There’s surprising power to be found in a regular debrief with a few questions. Here are two that I stole from Jana and two from me (and I can’t remember where I stole “mine” from). I’ll run thru these after tough encounters or really anyplace that I’m stuck. I keep in view that God is love and that he is good and that he’s working out all things for my good and growth. He wants me to be more self aware, and he’s also kind about how he does it, so I have be nice to myself here. And, I have to be willing to be tough with me, not BS myself or perpetuate a lie.

So, if you’re game, start with Jana’s questions and ask him:

1. God, what are you trying to teach me right now?

2. And am I being a good student?

In a tactical way, when I leave a meeting, I have a habit of asking myself these two questions:

1. What did I do well?

2. What would I do differently next time?

Mary Oliver is a poet both my daughters enjoy. You might have heard these two lines from her poem The Summer Day:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life?”

It’s a new day, a new year, a new you. How can you move full force into your hopes, your passion, your calling today?

No excuses. It comes down to how you will use your freedom today, the actions you will choose to take or not take, your willingness to take responsibility for where you are right now, and the seeds of change you’ll plant in every decision you make.

Or, as another American poet (Jack Kerouac) said, “Go to your desire, don’t hang around here.”

I hate to admit it, but it’s true.  There are portions of my life where I was such a dumb ass, I don’t really know how I made it thru.

Probably:
1. the grace of God, and
2. people who kept loving me in spite of my behavior, arrogance, stubbornness & repeated bad choices.

Having been thru this, and then being giving the gift of getting to pour into other people, Jana and I (mostly Jana), coined the phrase – “loving people thru the stupid.”  (I doubt she spells it with two “o”s like I like to).

People can have a very small “yes”, a fledgling “want to” about making change in their life.  And guess what, lots of times they’re going to fail again, do the same behaviors you recommended they NOT do, and at times you’re wondering, “Why do I bother?”

Answer:
1. you undoubtedly needed the same grace to get where you are.
2. People are worth it
3. Without support structures, they’ll never make it.

Be wise where you apply the rule, and, be generous with your strength, belief and affection.

My friend Dan Riley taught me, probably 25 years ago, a valuable lesson about the drift from Gratitude, to Expectation, to Resentment.

Let’s say you’re standing on the street corner, and someone walks up to you and hands you $100.  “Wow.  Thanks.”  You’re grateful.  Totally unexpected.  What a gift.

The next day, you’re at the same corner, same thing happens.  Still grateful, but you’re thinking, “You know what, I’m coming here tomorrow at the same time.”

So you show up the next day.  A little early.  Expectation.  And, sure enough…  $100.

This goes on for a little while, same corner, same $100.

And then, one day, your benefactor is late.
Or doesn’t show.
Kind of ticks you off.
“Where’s my $100?”

Brian Buffini says, “Everything you complain about is something you think you’re entitled to.”

Remember that all of it is a gift.

“If you think what exists today is permanent and forever true, you will inevitably have your head handed to you.”  I wish I could remember where I heard that — thank you, mystery sage, for this piece of wisdom you handed to me.

Most of us don’t like change, yet change is, like death and taxes, one of the sure and constant things in our lives.

What can you do about it?

1. Be present.  Stop looking at the past thinking about what you coulda, shoulda, woulda done.  Stop fretting about the future or worrying about the things that haven’t yet happened.  Be where you are, with the people you’re with, making the most of every situation.
2. Chip away at your comfort zone.  People often talk about breaking our comfort zone, and that’s great, but our comfort zones are happy little places for us.  How about today, just make one more call, give a little more, pay it forward to someone, take a small step in a new direction.  Momentum is created by small, consistent behavior over time.
3. Accept that things are going to change.  Make the most of the current opportunity you find yourself in.  This doesn’t mean an anvil is about to fall on your head if things are going well.  It just means today is a gift & you might want to maximize it.  And if things are crappy, hang in there, do your best, and expect that your breakthru is coming and things are going to change.  You have everything you need to be great, right where you are.

Lastly, my #4 would be, remember the constancy of God’s love.  You are not alone.

“Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5b

We have a birthday tradition in my family, learned from former small group leaders Betsy and Jim Michalik.  We look for the best in one another, and call it out.

Whoever’s birthday it is (today, it’s my youngest daughter’s), the rest of us consider the way we’ve seen them grow in the past year, their character and gifting, where we see strength, hopes for their coming year — and we just speak this blessing out over them.

Having been on the receiving end of this, I can tell you its amazing.  To have the people you love affirm you and cheer you on, one after another, just blows you up.  This is a gift worth giving to the people that matter in your life.

Betsy, Jim – thanks for teaching this to me.

Here we are mid-January.  How you doing on the new you?

I’ve noticed over the years that people don’t talk about resolutions anymore.  You hear comments like, “New Year’s Resolutions don’t work” and these people are right.  I got so negative about it a few years ago that I was on this mantra (which made Jana crazy!) that people don’t change, what you see is what you get.  As in past performance may not be an indicator of future financial results, but it was a pretty darn good indicator of what you’d be getting from another person.

This is hitting home for me right now, cause I set the stage that this-would-be-the-year-that-I-would blog everyday (after trying to get this blog off the ground for about 7 years).  I even warmed up for a day or two in 2017.  Made it a week in 2018, and then nothing.  So, if this is going on for you in whatever your “goal” (don’t say resolution) area is — food, alcohol, sex, health, fitness, money — what do you do now if you didn’t keep your promise to yourself?  What if you broke your streak?

Here’s a couple ideas that I’m pulling on:

1. The choices I made about me were good ones.  The view I have of what I want to change, the me that I wish to be, the new skill or habit that I want to develop, the contribution that I want to make, the old habit I’m going to shake — I was on the right track when I made that choice.  I’m just not going to bail now because I failed to do it in exactly the way that I’d hoped I’d do it.
2. I’m going to get back in motion, with small steps.  Inertia is a powerful thing.  I’m not going to let it work against me.  I’m going to keep it simple, and today I just said, I’m going to write one blog and grab any idea that comes to me for a future blog and put it on a list.  So, work out today for 20 minutes today, have a salad instead of a cheeseburger, say “yes” or “no” just for today in the appropriate context for your commitment to you.
3. I’m not going to try to do this alone.  Frankly, I hadn’t told anyone that I wanted to do this write everyday thing.  So, this week, I owned it with a friend how stupid I felt about not keeping my streak alive, and then today I told Jana about it.  They both believe in me.  You got people that believe in you?  Can you let someone into your world?  [We’ll talk another day about accountability — I’m not asking that they take you to task on whether you kept the commitment.  Just that you have someone who sees the good in you and can say “yes” and cheer you on.]

Go do the next right thing.  Pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  You’re fine, the year’s not a waste, and there are no awards anymore for perfect attendance.  Clean slate.  Let’s get started.