Motivation

No, it isn’t

/ Chuck Spicka

Maybe someone tells me, or I tell myself, “it is what it is.”

The space between my ears is the most valuable real estate I own. When fear, accusation, anxiety, worry, etc., come at me, I have to ask myself what I’m believing and where this story is coming from. In Rising Strong, Brene Brown calls this our “shitty first draft” and encourages us to consider whether our narrative is valid. Are there other ways to interpret the data points or facts? What’s possible here? If there were another way to see this, would I want to know about it?

The first step in renewing my mind is being aware of the chatter and challenging it. It’s your turf. Defend it.

“Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.” Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭TPT‬‬

It is what you say it is

/ Chuck Spicka

Was reading Proverbs 15 this morning and got to thinking about the incredible influence we all have on ourselves. When we speak, we are choosing, we are creating. Which includes the chatter running in our heads. Seems obvious, but are you deliberately choosing to create the world you want, when you speak to you?

“Everything seems to go wrong when you feel weak and depressed. But when you choose to be cheerful, every day will bring you more and more joy and fullness.” – Proverbs 15:15 TPT

Is it?

/ Chuck Spicka

Your thoughts on the comment, “it is what it is”? Here’s a few of mine:

It is what it is, except when it isn’t.

It is what it is, except an apology or ownership might go farther in the relationship.

It is what it is, but am I really just saying I don’t care anymore and that’s enough?

It is what you say it is. We all have the power to create. The stories we tell ourselves and others shape our present, our pasts and our futures.

It is what it is, except it’s not. We are not stuck. Nothing is ever really final.

Maintaining perspective

/ Chuck Spicka

In her book Victorious Emotions, Wendy Backlund offers a simple daily exercise to strengthen confidence and deepen our sense of gratitude. Try it out tomorrow morning and see if it impacts your attitude.

  1. What are four things I did right today*?
  2. What are five things I’m grateful for?

* (or yesterday, depending whether you do the exercise at night or first thing in the morning )

If 2019 was your last year

/ Chuck Spicka

At dinner, near the end of 2018, my friends Todd and Sarah asked, “If you knew that 2019 was going to be your last year on earth, what would you do?”  Sure, we’ve had questions thrown out to us like that in goal setting sessions.  But this time, it hit me in a new way.

My answer:

  1. Keep short accounts with people along the lines of Steps 8 and 9 (see below)
  2. Affirm the shit out of people, cause we all need it.

What’s your answer?

 

Bonus Material:
Steps 8 & 9 from 12 step recovery.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

What you’re saying when you’re late

/ Chuck Spicka

Shoot. I was late for lunch with a client today. More than a client, he’s my friend.

Years ago, I read James Hunter’s The Servant and it opened my eyes to what I’m really saying when I’m late.

My time is more important that your time.

What I’m doing is more important than what I committed to doing with you.

I matter.

You don’t.

Ouch.

What a buzz kill for your Friday night. Just think about it. We are always communicating, just not necessarily what we think we are.

Three great questions

/ Chuck Spicka

Here are three great questions from Crucial Conversations that you can ask yourself when you get stuck.

Whether it’s a personal relationship, a business situation, or working through an issue with family, your answers to these will give you deeper insight into what’s happening in your own heart. From there, you can take steps toward a solution that will be good for all.

  1. What do I want for me?
  2. What do I want for the other person?
  3. What do I want for the relationship?

You always have options, you sometimes just need a way to see them.

Take a look at your systems

/ Chuck Spicka

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

James Clear makes that comment in his new book, Atomic Habits.

How good are your systems, for the things you do every day? You’re certainly functioning with plenty of systems right now – if you’re not getting the outcomes you want, you might consider if the underlying framework actually supports what you’re after, of if changes need to be made.

The attached chart is from Clear’s book and sheds some light on how our small choices (our atomic habits) compound for our good or ill.

chart-p19-atomic habits-james clear

Deleting apps and faking myself out

/ Chuck Spicka

After watching Notre Dame get destroyed by Clemson, fuming about how instant replay makes the game so long and generally being frustrated about what a waste of time it all is, I deleted the ESPN and Formula 1 apps off my phone. So how, you may ask, do I know Christian Pulisic is getting ready to move to Chelsea FC? Ah, turns out you can add your favorite sports or teams to the Google search app and still get highlights….

Going back to yesterday’s post, I can set up rules for myself but the rules don’t always work because I’m pretty sneaky and strong willed.

Paul puts it this way – “Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.” (Colossians‬ ‭2:23‬ ‭NIV)‬‬

My friend Adam would say the pathway out includes having a vision for my life, being clear about what I want and why I want it, then making the appropriate choices and taking the next right actions.

Self awareness

/ Chuck Spicka

Yesterday morning I led a conversation about self awareness in our group, much of it influenced by Tasha Eurich’s interview on the HBR ideacast.

Eurich challenges that 95% of us believe we are self-aware, but only about 15% of us are. The odds are pretty good that I’m not as self-aware as I think I am.

She suggests asking trusted friends, “what’s the most annoying thing about me?” You can learn a lot from those who love you and are willing to be honest. After group, one of my friends called me and asked me that question. I struggled through my answer, confronted with what it meant to give this kind of feedback to someone I care about. Then I asked him the same thing.

“When you listen, you’re often attempting to solve a problem instead of just listening, asking questions, and being with people.” Ouch. He’s right on the mark. I needed to hear that, and more, I want to be present with people without having an agenda.

How can you grow today in self-awareness, without falling into self-absorption or self-consciousness?