My manager Rusty asked a great question in our sales meeting on Monday – “Does anyone need help finding the negative?”
It’s just too easy.
Finding the good takes effort. Believing, being generous, cheering someone else on, finding the common ground, the 85% where we actually agree, that might not be the first thing that comes to our minds.
How would it change things if we looked for what’s working, and built on that?
The other day I wrote about lessons learned from interrupting my daughter, and owned the revelation that I’d also been interrupting women I work with, both my customers and team members.
I’ve attached here a poorly rendered scan (12 things I can do to help women at work) of the last few pages of Joanne Lipman’s book, That’s What She Said. Some simple and practical ideas of how men, or women, can honor women’s voices at work (and not repeat the mistakes I’ve made). See what you think.
Here are three that I can immediately put into action:
Bonus material – if you’ve not seen it, Pantene’s “Sorry, Not Sorry” commercial.
”How would your thinking change if nothing were impossible, if there were no regrets haunting you from your past, if you had unlimited resources to accomplish all your purpose on the earth? Faith affects human reasoning by removing the boundaries and obstacles we have become accustomed to. It’s time to let faith have its full effect on our minds. Let’s just see what might be possible in our lifetimes.”
– Bill Johnson
(from his book Experience the Impossible)
My youngest daughter Charis was going thru some tough times late last fall. She’s a verbal processor. I would watch as she worked out her feelings with Jana, both trading a few sentences, frankly, as women do so well to confirm clarity, empathy and connection.
Then I tried it. You know, you just throw in a few words when there’s a gap. “Stop interrupting me,” Charis said. “Hmm,” I thought, “I just did what they did.” They’d continue talking, I’d see another gap, and then, “Stop interrupting her,” Jana would say.
I was really confused. I could not see what I was doing. I took it back to Jesus. “If two women I love and trust are telling me I’m interrupting them, then I need you to show me what I’m doing here.”
And this next part was awful. I learned that I was interrupting women across the board – women who lead companies and medical practices that are my customers, women who are strong and resourceful and are my peers at work, women I respect who are connected to our ministry and love others so well. Ouch. And I would tell you that I honor women and I’m an advocate.
I went back to Charis after this discovery and thanked her for her courage to call me out and shared what I learned in the process. My lesson? Mind the Gap. Waiting for my chance to blurt out a quick fix to someone’s problem, or whatever it is I think that’s more important than what they’re saying, does not build connection or honor my sisters.
I think we make Christianity a whole lot harder than it is.
Part One: We have a beautiful God. He is good. He’s in a good mood. He really likes you. He wants to pour out his affection on you. He feels this way about everyone, including the people you think he couldn’t possibly love. Pour out your affection on him. Learn how to listen for his song.
Part Two: We’re made in His image, and as my wife Jana would say, that includes the fact that we are hard-wired to forgive. Stop carrying all this stuff around. Clean slate. Walk in awareness. Forgive people, stop keeping a record of all the ways you’ve been wronged. And guess what? You’ve hurt some people along the way too – own it, and go make it right with those people. Rinse. Repeat. Clean slate. Love one another.
PS: These two parts are meant to function in unison; not, I do this one first really good and then I do the other one.
Jana and I led a marriage retreat this weekend with our friends Adam & Catherine. One of the things we’re committed to is giving opportunity and passing the torch. The two of them just knocked it out of the park. They’ve done the hard work of honesty and vulnerability with each other, creating safe spaces for real communication and connection. They’ve soaked themselves in the love and affection of God. They have truly found “a love that surpasses knowledge.” And beyond all this, they have found their voice and their core message.
One of our catch phrases has been to rescue, restore and release, that our ceiling would be the floor for the people we have the good fortune to coach. I completely get now what John meant when he said, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”
My friend Chad led our small group this morning. He asked two great questions:
We all carry some level of baggage. How awesome would it be to lay some of this down, to examine our own hearts and forgive some people, or go make it right with someone you have harmed?
We all need grace.
We all need a clean slate.
Why not start with you?
I work in Nashville a couple of times a month, and on the way over from Knoxville I always like to stop at the Starbucks in Cookeville. My schedule seems to be synced with a guy named Craig who works there, and he’s been serving me coffee with a smile for about 4 years.
I’ve decided Craig is my unofficial Starbucks account manager. He’s the guy that I want to have wait on me, he always takes a second to say hi, and my coffee is just right every time. Isn’t it funny how we are drawn to friendly people who seem to love what they do?
We could all learn something from Craig – what are each of us giving to the world and the people around us, and do they each feel more connected for having interacted with us?
Taking my youngest daughter to see Young the Giant this week in Knoxville. I’ve listened to them a bit, but I was feeling unprepared for the concert. This morning I pulled a set list from a recent show so I could make a playlist, then immediately confessed to both my daughters that I felt like I was cheating and cramming for a test.
And then I thought:
What other areas of my life do I feel like a poser, or where am I cramming to look more prepared than I am?
Can I be good with living my life in the moment, enjoying the time with my daughter, instead of having to look like a fan?
Next week: Bethel Music, in Knoxville, no cramming required; then Switchfoot, (on the 15th) & a friend just gave me their new album.
… make sure you go to the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum. Allot some time. Bring your Kleenex. It wiped us both out.
Incredible that we could ever have treated each other like this, that it could have gone on so long, that as freedoms approached they were fought against so hard. There is more work to do. I wondered what the leaders from the 50s/60s would say if they could see where we are now.
Praying reconciliation and healing over our country and wondering what my part needs to be in this.
“There’s something out here that I’ve got to do for my kids, and I’m not going to stop until I’ve done it.” – Medgar Evers
“I just felt like someone had to take a stand. Life itself is just a chance. Who knows what going to happen tomorrow.” – Marjorie Brandon
“Faith is taking the first step when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Dr Martin Luther King, Jr
Chuck Spicka's Blog 