According to Ken Nair, there are four male prejudices, or myths, that men have about women.  Ask just about any man, and you’ll gain agreement that “women are impossible to understand.”  Yet it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  As I believe it, I do the behavior that makes it a reality.  I look for evidence to confirm my presupposition.  And my relationship suffers because of it.

Did Jesus understand women?  How did he interact with the woman at the well?  How would you characterize his relationship with Martha, or Mary?  Can you find any evidence in the gospels to suggest that Jesus had any problem understanding women?

If we’ve been given the mind of Christ, and his spirit dwells in us, and he can understand women – what does that mean for us?  It means we can move into this with confidence, because we have him, and therefore, we can do all things through him who gives us strength (Php 4:13).

Proverbs 14:12 says,
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

What if, just about everything I think about women is wrong?  Would I want to know different?  What if there’s a way that seems right to me, but it’s leading to relational death, killing my marriage, damaging my wife, while the whole time I feign ignorance, shrug my shoulders, and act confused?  Would I want to learn how to live with my wife in an understanding way, as I’m commanded to in 1 Peter 3:7?

Ken Nair took this on in his book, Discovering the Mind of a Woman.  Over the next few days, we’ll look at four myths that men have regarding women, and how they’ve been playing out in our lives.

We’re all familiar with the parable of the sower (Matthew 13) – from Sunday school on we’ve heard it.  But I confess, I’ve been confused by it.  Is this about salvation?  And if so, can I lose my salvation?  Can it die?  Can it be choked out?  Do only some make it?

Look at what Jesus says in verse 11 – “the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you.”  The parable, then, is really about my response to the message of the kingdom: God’s effective rule in the midst of my circumstances, in my real life right now, a new way, his life in me and my life in him.  It’s not about me believing a specific set of theology answers that will guarantee my ticket into an event or place sometime later, somewhere far away.  It’s about a different way of living, expectantly, full of hope and belief, a complete change of mind based on truth, knowledge and facts, here and now.

A kingdom has laws, laws that govern, but also laws that bring freedom, as much as the law of lift and thrust brings with it freedom from the law of gravity.

The parable, then, isn’t so much about the intake of facts that would cause me to be “saved,” but rather, about my response to the message of the kingdom, of a new life here and now, and what my results will be based on my response.  Not just, do I believe it, but is this message changing me?  I could be “saved”, but miss this kingdom life all together, as birds eat it off the path.  I could get a taste of it, but end up a flash in the pan, bailing as soon as things got hard.  I could quit because of the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of wealth, choking out kingdom life and making it unfruitful – i.e., choosing my earthly kingdom over the kingdom of the heavens.  Or, I could take on this message of the kingdom, and see real life, real fruit bear out “a hundred times, sixty times, thirty times what was sown.”

I don’t know where I head from here, but I want more.  If there’s a different reality available to me now, if the secrets of the kingdom have been given to me, then, thank you, I’ll take that.  Open my heart to you, Jesus.  Lead the way.

Dallas Willard has a new book – Knowing Christ Today: why we can trust spiritual knowledge.

On page 45-46, he’s responding to James’ comments about the double-minded person referenced in James 1:8.

Willard says:

What is going on here?  Is it that God is simply punishing people for having doubts?  Is he saying, ‘Naughty, naughty! I will give you nothing’?  That hardly fits with the picture here of God as generous and unreproachful.  So there must be something else involved.  I suggest that the problem is not on the giving side, but on the receiving side.  Because the “double-minded” are, as we say, “on again, off again,” they are not able to receive what they are asking for.  They are unable to act upon it.  One day or hour they are asking God for wisdom, and the next day or hour they are relying on themselves or others.  While they are asking God, they have in the corner of their mind the thought that God isn’t going to give them what they need, so they must take care of themselves.  They are really relying on two different and incompatible things.  And when they are trying to get wisdom on their own, they are thinking about the possibility of God giving it to them.  On both sides they are undercut by their inner uncertainty about the reliability of God and God’s goodwill toward them…  It cannot succeed.  One must “hold still” to receive the wisdom requested.

My wife, Jana, would say the dilemma is “we dream with an excuse in each pocket.”  How single minded are you?  Do you have a Plan B, if God should fail you?  Could your Plan B actually be affecting your Plan A – to follow God whole-heartedly and trust him with all of it?

A man’s own folly ruins his life,
yet his heart rages against the LORD.

Proverbs 19:3

So many times I want to blame circumstances, other people, and ultimately God for the messes that I find myself in.  And yet, I’m 100% responsible.  His goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life; at the same time, I need and want to follow him as closely as I can.

Lord, what do you have to say?
That you are loved.
What else?
That I got you, and it’s going to be OK.

We had that conversation as we were looking at the snow this morning in Knoxville.  Nate Wilson has some cool thoughts about snow in Notes From the Tilt a Whirl .  (Check his book out for more, maybe the start of chapter 2?) Every snow flake is unique.  But God’s just a show off.  I can make billions of these, and every one’s different.

I’m watching a flake hit my windshield, melt, then disappear in an instant.  “If,” he says to me, “I have this much creativity, care and interest in something that disappears in a moment, what do you think I think about your current issues, when I’ve designed you for eternal companionship with me?  Do you think your stuff is pretty simple for me?  I’m holding it all together.  Rest in me.  I got you.”

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. (Matt. 11:28-30 MSG)

“But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.” (2 Thes 2:13 NIV)

I hear a lot of people emphasizing salvation, and acting like life in Christ here and now is not that important, or not nearly as important as simply “getting in” (saved) and being able to explain how and why you’ve got your Heavenly 401(k).  Is mental assent enough?  I look at this verse, and would argue that it says that salvation is more of a package deal. We often think of Salvation and Sancification as two separate things, but this verse ties them together.  What would make a person think they belonged to Jesus if they had absolutely no desire, or even an inkling of a motivation, to spend time with him here?

In a men’s group last night, I heard a guy talk about how he always wanted to be like William Wallace in Braveheart. He wants adventure, he wants to lead men into battle, he wants to be respected as a man and as a warrior.

And right as he said it I thought, I want to be like the priest in The Count of Monte Cristo, leading people into self-discovery and learning, giving them the tools they need to set themselves free from the things that have held them back.

Who would you rather be and why?

Jana and I have noticed a bunch of marriages around us that seem to be hanging on by a thread.  People that are staying put because of a sense of duty or obligation, but have no sense of hope or joy or expectation that they can ever be happy again with their current spouse.  They want things to be different, but they don’t know how to get there, or when they begin to make effort, they feel like everything they do ends up ticking off their spouse.  Is this what marriage is supposed to be like?  Is this all there is?  If so, why do people do this to themselves.  Meanwhile, if you’re going to stay, there has to be a better way.  If Jesus said he came to give life to the full, how do we move into that in our marriage?

We are meeting with a group of couples at the end of January 2009, in what we’re calling a marriage “intensive”.  Maybe a weekend away, to pray, to be strenghtened, to be given a sense of hope, will be good for all of us.  Keep you posted on how it goes.

I once heard a friend say that he had formerly thought that the group was an add-on to Christianity, but that he’d lately found that the group was Christianity. It’s not just about us and God. The list that follows is a few of the “one anothers” from the New Testament, as in “love one another,” “serve one another,” etc. I thought I’d look at this again and think about how well I’m doing in this arena. See what you think.  What stands out to you?  Scriptures listed are NIV.

Rom 12:10

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Rom 12:16

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Rom 13:8
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.
Rom 14:13
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.
Rom 15:7
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Rom 15:14
I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.

Rom 16:16
Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ send greetings.

1Cr 1:10
I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.

Gal 5:13
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

Eph 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Eph 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Eph 5:19
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,

Eph 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Col 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Col 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

1Th 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Hbr 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Hbr 10:24
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Hbr 10:25
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Jam 4:11
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.

1Pe 1:22
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.

1Pe 3:8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

1Pe 4:9
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

1Pe 5:5
Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

1Jo 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

1Jo 3:11
This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.

1Jo 3:23
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.

1Jo 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

1Jo 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1Jo 4:12
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

2Jo 1:5
And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.

Friday at lunch I ran into a packed coffee shop, and ended up sitting almost on top of the table next to me at the only open seat I could find. I might as well have been sitting with the two people next to me, as I sat checking email.

One was an older gentleman, a pastor I think. The other, a younger woman. It sounded like a career counseling session, with the pastor giving coaching and advice. Interspersed in all of this was some Christianese, some platitudes and statements of Jesus, but all of it lacked power. The pastor was telling her “how it was” – the old boy network, whether or not you were from our town, his own disappointments trying to get on the inside, trying to advance.  The woman echoed back how she had been shut down and shut out, how connections hadn’t paid off and how frustrated she was.

I wanted to ask them, “where is your God, where is your hope, where is your joy in the journey?”

And then it hit me – You’ve led me to sit here to help me see that I’m just like this.  I can talk a good game about following You and about being your disciple, but it’s much easier for me to make excuses for fear, hiding and unbelief.

He is here, in the midst of our real life right now, and He has all the answers.  Maybe I just need to believe that?  What about you?