My youngest daughter Charis was going thru some tough times late last fall.  She’s a verbal processor.  I would watch as she worked out her feelings with Jana, both trading a few sentences, frankly, as women do so well to confirm clarity, empathy and connection.

Then I tried it.  You know, you just throw in a few words when there’s a gap.  “Stop interrupting me,” Charis said.  “Hmm,” I thought, “I just did what they did.”  They’d continue talking, I’d see another gap, and then, “Stop interrupting her,” Jana would say.

I was really confused.  I could not see what I was doing.  I took it back to Jesus.  “If two women I love and trust are telling me I’m interrupting them, then I need you to show me what I’m doing here.”

And this next part was awful.  I learned that I was interrupting women across the board – women who lead companies and medical practices that are my customers, women who are strong and resourceful and are my peers at work, women I respect who are connected to our ministry and love others so well.  Ouch.  And I would tell you that I honor women and I’m an advocate.

I went back to Charis after this discovery and thanked her for her courage to call me out and shared what I learned in the process.  My lesson?  Mind the Gap.  Waiting for my chance to blurt out a quick fix to someone’s problem, or whatever it is I think that’s more important than what they’re saying, does not build connection or honor my sisters.

Taking my youngest daughter to see Young the Giant this week in Knoxville. I’ve listened to them a bit, but I was feeling unprepared for the concert. This morning I pulled a set list from a recent show so I could make a playlist, then immediately confessed to both my daughters that I felt like I was cheating and cramming for a test.

And then I thought:
What other areas of my life do I feel like a poser, or where am I cramming to look more prepared than I am?
Can I be good with living my life in the moment, enjoying the time with my daughter, instead of having to look like a fan?

Next week: Bethel Music, in Knoxville, no cramming required; then Switchfoot, (on the 15th) & a friend just gave me their new album.

Here’s a thought for your Monday morning, and your week ahead:

“At the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of my life, I want to say I contributed more than I criticized. It’s that simple.” – Brene Brown, Dare to Lead

And here’s a thought for your year:

“How about this be a year that we work hard to embrace what the Lord has declared over our life and make that the only thing we say?” – Bill Johnson

We get to choose to strengthen and build and encourage others by what we say. We can make the same choice in how we speak to ourselves. Change your language and see if things don’t start to change around you and inside you.