“Here we are, you and I, and I hope a third, Christ, is in our midst…

Come now, beloved, open your heart, and pour into these friendly ears whatsoever you will.

And let us accept gracefully the boon of this place, time and leisure.”

– Aelred of Rievaulx

     What a strengthening reminder that when we meet one on one, there is a third – Christ is in our midst.  It is incredible to consider a voice of wisdom coming to us from almost one thousand years ago, pointing us to relationship with one another, reminding us that all of our relationships are in Christ, fulfilling Jesus’ promise that we would never be alone.

     My professor, Dr. Grossman, challenges his students to listen far more than we speak, referencing James.  My mentor has challenged me that not everything I think of when someone is talking needs to be said to that person we are meeting with.  He has encouraged me, and modeled for me, an attentive posture where he prays for the person he is meeting with as they are talking, as he is listening to them.  To maintain focus, he makes the deaf sign of the holy spirit, in a very small way, with his hands under the table and out of sight.  As the Spirit leads, he will ask a question or make a comment.

     I wish I could say this was what I was like in the same circumstance – recently my wife and I were counseling a couple together.  We had taken a month break with them and given some assignments.  The husband had not done the work and was making excuses about it.  When I challenged him, he said I was condemning.  I was so frustrated.  I could feel myself getting angry.  A friend of mine who is a doctor sometimes says, “me and the medicine are working harder than you are.”  But if what Aelred says is true, then Christ is in our midst at a moment like that.  I can take a deep breath and know that this brother is in good hands, regardless of the actions he has taken when he says he wants to save his marriage.  It is my role to listen first and foremost, and then to encourage, coach, challenge, to facilitate creativity in his thinking, and to pray with him.