Yesterday morning I led a conversation about self awareness in our group, much of it influenced by Tasha Eurich’s interview on the HBR ideacast.

Eurich challenges that 95% of us believe we are self-aware, but only about 15% of us are. The odds are pretty good that I’m not as self-aware as I think I am.

She suggests asking trusted friends, “what’s the most annoying thing about me?” You can learn a lot from those who love you and are willing to be honest. After group, one of my friends called me and asked me that question. I struggled through my answer, confronted with what it meant to give this kind of feedback to someone I care about. Then I asked him the same thing.

“When you listen, you’re often attempting to solve a problem instead of just listening, asking questions, and being with people.” Ouch. He’s right on the mark. I needed to hear that, and more, I want to be present with people without having an agenda.

How can you grow today in self-awareness, without falling into self-absorption or self-consciousness?