I’m indebted to Graham Cooke and a message I listened to that inspired the following coaching I gave a friend who’s wrestling with some lies he’s believed for a long time. Those lies have embedded themselves in his self-talk, and created an inner world of unworthiness, self-loathing and shame. He knows better, and he knows that he knows it. And yet he’s stuck in this rut and looking for a way out. I know what that feels like, having done this same work earlier this year.

If you’re in a similar spot, here’s the work I did and recommended for my friend:

1. Make a list for yourself of all the agreements and lies.

2. Recognize, along the lines of Isaiah 61, that he is the God of instead. Figure out the exact opposite of the lie/agreement from the first list and write that out on another list. This is the truth of who you are and how God sees you. The first list is just the attack, the enemy trying to keep you from being who you were designed to be.

3. Destroy the first list, there’s no reason to keep record of it, it’s not who you are and it’s not how God sees you

4. Take the list from Step Two and fashion it into a series of affirmations that you can read. This is your personal story and destiny with God. You’re going to start speaking this over yourself. Put it in an easy place to get access to, like your phone. You can pull it up and read it a couple times out loud per day.

Remember: Don’t save the first list. No one needs to see it and you don’t need to ruminate on it.

Do yourself a favor. Do the work, don’t just read about it. God will meet you in the middle of the actions you take to draw near to him.