A friend who’s not in sales asked me recently, “how do you make a great first impression, or how can I improve my small talk/schmoozing skills?”  

Jana and I were both in this conversation via text, and Jana reminded our friend that she already knew how to do this.  She loves people.  She knows how to ask genuine questions.  She’s a great listener and knows how to respond.  

You don’t need a book.  It’s all in there; your life is rooted in a love for other people.   

Beyond this love for others, here are a few simple ideas. 

People love to talk about themselves.  So ask a lot of questions. 

Be present with them, and really listen.  No one ever does that for them.  It’s easy to come up with questions if you focus on what’s being said, and clear your mind of distractions like where’re you wish you were at that moment, or what you’d rather be doing.  And there are always a few questions that fit any situation, like: “Tell me more,” can you clarify?” and “how did that feel?”

People feel as awkward as you do when they are first meeting people, and they wish they were somewhere else too when they’re in a new social situation.  

As we were having this discussion, a question came up about how to stay current in world events, how to be relevant.  Is it still just a matter of letting someone talk and not trying to impress someone?  It’s a great point.  Don’t worry too much about current events.  Everything I need to know I generally hear about, and if not, I humble myself and ask about it.  I read a daily news bulletin (about twice a week).  I’m more concerned about working on my own passions and not concerned about being someone that I’m not.  Authenticity matters more than trying to be smart or look a certain way for people.

The worst place for this for me is men and sports like the NFL or basketball.  I could just care less.  If I’m in a crowd, I just let people go do it, nod my head, laugh, and say things like “Really?   That’s incredible.  Where did he play college ball, I don’t remember?”  Meanwhile, I love soccer.  So I enjoy that and though I rarely get to talk to another soccer fan, I refuse to do the work to care about the NFL just so I can try to fit in. 

Jana reminded her that we can’t allow a world system to define our kingdom position.  For our friend, raising children and being at home is not a lesser profession, though that was at the root of some of her concern.  She is shaping the legacy of our country.  She knows how to love others, how to see the good and the God in them, and how to strengthen them.  Same for you.  God knows who you are, and is crazy about you.  Be comfortable with his other kids, focus on them and not yourself, and you’ll do just fine.